Furniture Inspector Gifts

"She says she's from Quality Control. We've failed the furniture inspection."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'I found the termites!'

There is nothing more satisfying that peeling the film off a brand new building.

Fuel bill gone through the roof

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

'The roof needs icing.'

'I don't care if it's a little storage room for King Tut, you still need a building permit and contractor's license.'

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

"Homes on Holmes"

'My building inspector just doesn't understand me.'

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

'That's subsidence Sir Bryan - The charts are over here.'

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

"Office of quality assurance"

"What do you mean you wouldn't sweat the water in the basement."

'It's not so much the distance to your proposed mini-mall site, but that I'm not as familiar with your galaxy's zoning laws as I'd like to be.'

'Oh no. The building inspector. He's worse than the Pharaoh.'

"You've got a real fungus problem. You'll have to move out until it's taken care of."

'Keep your feet on the joists, Cedric.'

"Well, we could just tell everyone we have an indoor pool!"

The builder had said there would be some settling after the house was finished, so really the home owners shouldn't complain.

Under New Mismanagement

'I hate the new building inspector. He can smell fear a mile away.'

"I now recognize the basement was a bad idea."

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

“It’s a pre-war building, but you’ll see they’ve kept most of the details.”