Furniture Funster Pillows

'It's made out of solid wood and it sleeps eight.'

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"I was almost that last year."

Cheeze Wiz.

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

'The puppy just downloaded on your computer keyboard.'

With Grandpa it was often a game of hide and sleep.

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

'Look. A mom with a handy carrying case.'

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

"How do you like my 'Pop art'?"

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

Pirates

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

'Look, honey, the baby's got your mouth.'

'No honey, you can't sell him on ebay.'

Leopards do change their spots

'Congratulations Mrs Marrow, it's a courgette.'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

The TROU of the Baroque

"You spoil that boy."

'Did you know that turkeys and dinosaurs are closely related? Meet my cousin, Lenny!'

Santa Randy was fired and Santa Claus got the job.

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

Woman with blouse zipped up to varying degrees. Arrows read, 'single,' 'married, 'happily married.'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'