Domestic Funster Pillows

'OK, OK, I'll make sure I replace the loo roll from now on!'

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"Study her closely...the laughing eyes, the dimpled smile...she's got 'em right where she wants 'em."

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

"I don't get it! They're both diurnal, so why on earth would they bring back from the hospital a baby that's awake all night?"

'The puppy just downloaded on your computer keyboard.'

With Grandpa it was often a game of hide and sleep.

Climbing with the baby

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

"Are you ready to engage with rock-rased content?"

The Horse Jump - One girl makes it over, the other is cover in leaves.

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

'Look. A mom with a handy carrying case.'

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

"How do you like my 'Pop art'?"

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

Santa Randy was fired and Santa Claus got the job.

'Congratulations Mrs Marrow, it's a courgette.'

"You spoil that boy."

'I'm still working on my novel. In the meantime, and this is between you and me, I make ends meet by writing all those cat memes you see on Facebook.'

'Did you know that turkeys and dinosaurs are closely related? Meet my cousin, Lenny!'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'If Aunt Arctica is on the bottom of the world, does that mean Uncle Artica is on top of the world?'

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."