Festive Funster Pillows

"They had their names removed using the right to be forgotten."

'Well. it bloody wasn't there last year!'

'For the first time in ages, Rudolph the red nosed reindeer faced some stiff competition from Ernie the energy saving reindeer'

Santa saying to shrink - "I don't believe in myself."

"No giblets, but there's an organ-donor card."

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

'New health and safety regulations.'

'A charismatic leader, droves of elves working all the time for nothing.. looks like cult to me!'

"Truth is, I could never do it all without the miracle of corporate sponsorship."

'Hey, don't blame me, blame PETA!'

"So, do you think watching strangers and judging them while sleep is healthy?"

'They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games!'

New York City Santa with huge bag hails cab.

Scientists finally cracked Santa's vocabulary.

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

'Frankly, I think his caroling was better before he launched a solo career.'

"Well, now I know why you see more of these cute little reindeer antlers on dogs than cats!"

Filling up with Deersil.

'Oh look, you're under the misletoe, that means I can smell your bum!'

Traffic Santa.

Santa Claus in Hospital with a Drip.

'I sold all the clothes I got for Christmas on E-Bay!'

'Here's another PRIVACY-INVASION LAWSUIT against you.'

Santa says to elves: 'Will you please stop referring to me as a 'gangmaster'?'

Ye olde Christmas

Santa Randy was fired and Santa Claus got the job.

"Have you started being good for Christmas yet?"

'Dropping 200 pounds, I feel great, and can squirt up and down chimneys like a greased monkey.'

Christmas present for Turtle

'I'm not hopeful about my presents Mum - when I asked him, he didn't even know our address.'

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

Santa wearing a flight neck pillow.

Middle-aged dreidels

Dentist Christmas Tree.

"I only count six swans a swimming."