Festivity Funster Pillows

Can't meet this week - Got a chocolate kiss on the 22nd, a candy cane on the 23rd, and ... oh, my bad. I'm looking at my advent calendar.

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"I was almost that last year."

Cheeze Wiz.

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

'The puppy just downloaded on your computer keyboard.'

With Grandpa it was often a game of hide and sleep.

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

"Are you ready to engage with rock-rased content?"

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

'Look. A mom with a handy carrying case.'

"How do you like my 'Pop art'?"

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

Pirates

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

'Look, honey, the baby's got your mouth.'

'No honey, you can't sell him on ebay.'

'I'm still working on my novel. In the meantime, and this is between you and me, I make ends meet by writing all those cat memes you see on Facebook.'

'Did you know that turkeys and dinosaurs are closely related? Meet my cousin, Lenny!'

Santa Randy was fired and Santa Claus got the job.

"You spoil that boy."

The TROU of the Baroque

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'Congratulations Mrs Marrow, it's a courgette.'

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'