Festive Funsters Pillows

"We're looking at a six figure sum here for misrepresentation. Your nose isn't red, never has been and never will be."

"You know I hate you, right?"

"I've only got a few who can get around the world overnight. . . their names are - corona, delta and omicron."

Naughty/Naturalized

"Another great thing about believing in Santa - no thank-you notes!"

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

'The sun'll be up soon. Can I go downstairs now?'

Ho, ho, hum.

'Call me soft, but I miss the old traditions.'

"Thank you and feel free to download the appropriate holiday greeting from my website."

"I'm just sayin', the chances of Santa stopping by to fill your stocking are pretty slim!"

"Guys, seriously, some myrrh? Next time let's not wait till the last minute as usual to make gifts!"

"At least we managed to get them to go Christmas shopping this year and boys will be boys! By the way my husband is going to beat your husband!"

Santa Claus

"Have you seen the toilet seat?"

"I DID hold it tight! You oulled too hard!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

Cheeze Wiz.

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

"Study her closely...the laughing eyes, the dimpled smile...she's got 'em right where she wants 'em."

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

Climbing with the baby

'The puppy just downloaded on your computer keyboard.'

"I don't get it! They're both diurnal, so why on earth would they bring back from the hospital a baby that's awake all night?"

With Grandpa it was often a game of hide and sleep.

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

'Look. A mom with a handy carrying case.'

"How do you like my 'Pop art'?"

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."