Furloughed Employee Gifts

"This is the best news."

Very Difficult Conversations

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Sorry, Foster, but I'm letting you go. I just downloaded the 'Scapegoat' app."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'It's my own fault. I never upgraded my skills. I was replaced by a man half my age with a more advanced smartphone and hundreds of productive apps.'

The breakup

'We'd like to show you our appreciation of your many years of dedicated service to this company...But first we need to know what your name is and what it is you do around here!'

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

'The attack will have to wait until tomorrow Congressman. Today is furlough day. . .'

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

'There's new evidence that my departure from my previous employer merely coincided with their brain drain.'

"Here's one I wrote myself. It's called 'Blues for the Guy I'm Laying Off.'"

'I'm afraid we have to let you go. As you know, you're entitled to a 'Golden Handshake'...

'I always said he was on the fast track.'

You're Employment has been terminated -Smiley face lol

What Bob thought outside the box.

"I gave you the axe. How dare you come back and use it to intimidate me."

'OK everyone get out... we're downsizing!'

"They told me my parachute would be golden. Turns out it's pyrite."

'You do outstanding work, Nelson, but I'm afraid Higby makes me look better.'

"Dead man walking!"

By camouflaging himself, Ed was able to avoid being a victim of the company's massive layoffs.

"Hate to see you leave - you were my favorite puppet."

'We really can't afford golden parachutes any more, but here's a plastic crash helmet.'

'Our employees agreed to be frozen until there's an economic upturn.'

The 12 Days of Covidmas

"Don't forget to torch the place when you leave."

'And if you become homeless due to this layoff, you can pitch a tent on my estate...'

'What do you mean, for Simkins? I'M Simkins!'

'Relax, I'm not here for you. Just for your job.'

"Maybe we should've done layoffs after the holiday party."

'Take your eye patch and that stupid parrot and your wooden leg and get out.'

"Guys, I can't afford to be laid off."

"But I was told this was included in my severance package."