Furloughed Employee Gifts

"This is the best news."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Very Difficult Conversations

"Sorry, Foster, but I'm letting you go. I just downloaded the 'Scapegoat' app."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'It's my own fault. I never upgraded my skills. I was replaced by a man half my age with a more advanced smartphone and hundreds of productive apps.'

The breakup

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

'The attack will have to wait until tomorrow Congressman. Today is furlough day. . .'

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

'There's new evidence that my departure from my previous employer merely coincided with their brain drain.'

'I always said he was on the fast track.'

You're Employment has been terminated -Smiley face lol

'I'm afraid we have to let you go. As you know, you're entitled to a 'Golden Handshake'...

"Here's one I wrote myself. It's called 'Blues for the Guy I'm Laying Off.'"

What Bob thought outside the box.

"I gave you the axe. How dare you come back and use it to intimidate me."

"Don't forget to torch the place when you leave."

'What do you mean, for Simkins? I'M Simkins!'

"They told me my parachute would be golden. Turns out it's pyrite."

"Maybe we should've done layoffs after the holiday party."

"Dead man walking!"

"Hate to see you leave - you were my favorite puppet."

"Guys, I can't afford to be laid off."

'You do outstanding work, Nelson, but I'm afraid Higby makes me look better.'

'We really can't afford golden parachutes any more, but here's a plastic crash helmet.'

'OK everyone get out... we're downsizing!'

'Our employees agreed to be frozen until there's an economic upturn.'

'And if you become homeless due to this layoff, you can pitch a tent on my estate...'

"But I was told this was included in my severance package."

'Relax, I'm not here for you. Just for your job.'

'Take your eye patch and that stupid parrot and your wooden leg and get out.'

"I'm not good at confrontation, so unscramble this phrase in your head for a surprise message."