Fur Family Enthusiast Gifts

"Jessica Jo's white, Tucker's black, Tag's white, Pepper's red, Peekay is gray, Junie is gray, Jamie's brown – and, by the way, Jessica Jo is gifted."

'Honestly, now that Tiger is neutered I'm perfectly happy just cuddling.'

"I can't hear you. Are you playing with the dog again?"

"Foster failure"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"No no, I said sit!!"

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

Woman setting out a dinner party with name cards labeled cat person, dog person.

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

'Yes I know I'm intelligent and famous, but I'd trade it all for a good old belly scratching.'

"A little help, please."

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

Fur Baby

"Well, if she didn't insist on giving me this stupid look, she wouldn't need to buy me coats in winter..."

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

'That's our Rex - he loves to dog paddle.'

"Your motivation is that you're a dog and it's food."

"Back when we got him, Rufus was a child substitute. Now he's just a dog."

Cat Zoom Meeting

'I do not pamper the dog, now get out of his chair!'

Upper East Side Dog Park

Cat and owner sticking out tongues at each other.

"Congratulations. It's a litter."

"I think it's unfair to call her a "crazy cat-lady": She just loves all 63 of us..."

Pet Adoptions

"He's a rescue."

"How adorable! I'd love to have one of my own but I'm so terribly allergic."

Dogs are smart enough to understand human commands. Cats are smart enough to ignore them.

"What do you think you're doing? You play with me every day for 15 months, and out of the blue, you're going to work?!"

Hairy dog looks the same both ends.