Fur Family Gifts

"Dude! Have you no shame?"

'He's about five ten...dark brown hair...slim...'

"Foster failure"

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

Babies vs. Dogs

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

Woman setting out a dinner party with name cards labeled cat person, dog person.

Owner Looks Like Poodle.

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

'Honestly, now that Tiger is neutered I'm perfectly happy just cuddling.'

Walking the dog - 'surprise'!

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

'That's our Rex - he loves to dog paddle.'

'We've tried everything else without success and have now made the decision to adopt.'

"Stop asking me. I don't know who's a good boy."

'Max and I have a give and take relationship. He sniffs my butt...and I let him.'

'That's right...he'll lick you to death.'

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

When is he coming home buddy?

"In obedience school, I was voted 'Most likely to chew a slipper'."

'I heard him mention your name, what does neutered, mean?'

"I'm beginning to worry she might work out who is really in charge."

"He wants a second opinion."

"And they say WE have a shedding problem!"

"The emotional support goes both ways."

"Don't take it personally, Max — to him, you're just a dog."

Vets: 'That's funny, he was here a minute ago.'

"You've got to lay off the homework."