Funny Travel Stories Gifts

"The kitchen sink. . . actually I DID pack it, it's the one over there on the left."

Airport Security.

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

Attack of the Underwear Bomber

Sometimes nature not only calls; she makes an emergency breakthrough.

"You finished with your peanuts?"

"So far, my luggage has had a more exciting vacation than I have!"

'As a matter-of-fact I didn't pack my own bags...Well,well, well...Speak of the devil!'

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'

Passengers arriving on luggage conveyor belt

"Well, that's just great! I guess pigs don't fly after all!"

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

'This photo is hardly suitable for your misery memoir.'

"At least she got it to squeak when she tripped over it."

You're Here. Man, You Really Look Like An Idiot!

The Leaning Tower of Pizza

"No, I said, 'You turn here, not, 'U-Turn here'."

What brings you to Canada? None of your beeswax. Border. Business, pleasure, asylum or melodrama? Huh? Our newest category. Donald Trump eats kittens! Ashton Kutcher. Melodrama, next!

Seagulls landing

"Get another cab, Dad. This one is creepin' me out."

"People are way too casual when they fly these days."

'I can't talk... I'm in the quiet carriage.' - '3...2...1...' - 'What? I can't hear you... you're breaking up...' - 'Brace! Brace!' - 'I said 'I'm in the quiet carriage'!!!' - 'Irony crash.'

'We're not going to Roswell again, it's such a tourist trap.'

Customs caution: rabid tarantulas with AIDS inside

Alfredo the knife thrower's first air trip.

'Look, I didn't know they had salad bars on these flights...'

"We find the defendants guilty on the charges of missed connections, separated seats, crying babies, bad weather, turbulence and running out of chicken."

"How long would it take to cook my goose? I have a camel train to catch..."

'This will hurt you more than it will hurt me.'

Excess Baggage: Never let your wife pack for your business trip while she is mad at you.

Lav-Mummie

"Funny hey, my mum's advice on 'travel essentials' is 'don't pack a toothbrush'..."

"In my defense it is an exit and the line was really long..."

"Attention. This is your captain screaming!"

Lost Luggage/Lost Passengers