Funny Travel Stories Pillows

"The kitchen sink. . . actually I DID pack it, it's the one over there on the left."

Airport Security.

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

Sometimes nature not only calls; she makes an emergency breakthrough.

'As a matter-of-fact I didn't pack my own bags...Well,well, well...Speak of the devil!'

"You finished with your peanuts?"

"So far, my luggage has had a more exciting vacation than I have!"

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'

"Well, that's just great! I guess pigs don't fly after all!"

Passengers arriving on luggage conveyor belt

'This photo is hardly suitable for your misery memoir.'

You're Here. Man, You Really Look Like An Idiot!

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

"At least she got it to squeak when she tripped over it."

"Get another cab, Dad. This one is creepin' me out."

'I can't talk... I'm in the quiet carriage.' - '3...2...1...' - 'What? I can't hear you... you're breaking up...' - 'Brace! Brace!' - 'I said 'I'm in the quiet carriage'!!!' - 'Irony crash.'

"People are way too casual when they fly these days."

The Leaning Tower of Pizza

"No, I said, 'You turn here, not, 'U-Turn here'."

Seagulls landing

'We're not going to Roswell again, it's such a tourist trap.'

Customs caution: rabid tarantulas with AIDS inside

Alfredo the knife thrower's first air trip.

Excess Baggage: Never let your wife pack for your business trip while she is mad at you.

Lav-Mummie

"How long would it take to cook my goose? I have a camel train to catch..."

"Funny hey, my mum's advice on 'travel essentials' is 'don't pack a toothbrush'..."

"We find the defendants guilty on the charges of missed connections, separated seats, crying babies, bad weather, turbulence and running out of chicken."

"In my defense it is an exit and the line was really long..."

Lost Luggage/Lost Passengers

"Attention. This is your captain screaming!"

"I hardly fly anymore. The emotional baggage fees were killing me."

'Look, I didn't know they had salad bars on these flights...'

'This will hurt you more than it will hurt me.'