Funny Surgery Moments Gifts

"Oops – I think that was a tan line."

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

Pinocchio has a nose job.

Quick! 5-second rule!

'My patient needs a new kidney. Make any grave mistakes today?'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'Can you believe I was open for six months, and not one single client?!?'

"The small neat scar was from the surgery. The long jagged scar is where I sneezed."

"Sorry Mr. Parkinson, but I've left some rubber gloves inside you. I need to open you up to retrieve them."

"Mr Brown. Are you in for a triple bypass or an ingrown toenail?"

"Relax! He's in good hands!!"

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."

'His mother wants to know if you'll give him a haircut after you remove his tonsils.'

The Grim Reaper as a surgical assistant.

"Which is it today doctor, - Back, Beatles, or Backstreet Boys?"

"He did it again. Slipped out and replaced himself with a bunch of lumpy pillows."

'What are you complaining about...they told you this was MINOR surgery!'

"They're to remind me to change your bandages."

We've had a lot of power cuts lately, but but don't worry we have a back up system.

"Well I'm out of ideas, here, anyone else want to give this a stab?"

Surgical mittens, an idea whose time has not come.

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!

"He's counted backwards by fives, he's named all fifty states plus their capitals. I'm telling you, the tank's out of anesthesia."

"My husband's a surgeon, he can't let go of his work."

A Doctor sewing up a Patient's incision with a sewing machine.

"My son is failing out of medical school, so to help him get extra credit, I'm allowing him to operate on you."

'Turn the camera off! Turn off the web cam!'

Cosmetic surgery bin: 'Bits & Boobs'

'I have a complaint about my bill.'

'Hot! Hot!'

'Perhaps I was a bit TOO graphic in explaining the surgical procedure.'

'Your plastic surgery went great...you look terrific!'

'Alright, which one of you is the patient?'

"The white carpet in here was a mistake."

"Normally, I make a tiny incision just below the naval. But I saw a spider."