Funny Reader Gifts

"And I'm not one of those people who likes their literature peppered with innuendo. I like it showered in it."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

X-ray Psychology.

The Salmon Run

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

Fish snorkling above water.

wattle covers

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

'I think it's about time we tell him he's adopted.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

A bird that is also the helmet from a suit of armour (or is it a bird inside a helmet?). Notice the very small flying bird/helmet in the background.

Sign that says 'This is not a sign.'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

The missiles had failed...so it was down to Frank...and plan B.

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

Mou...Man trap!

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

'Dad says I can't come out tonight. It's some sort of infield fly rule.'

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

'Think of it as a stimulus package, sir.'

They soon changed their name..

"I just don't get it, they don't do it themselves, so why do they insist on us sitting before crossing the road?"

'I'm Bored'

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'