Funny Quotes Gifts

'Oh, dear! My T.V. dinner keeps repeating on me.'

"I wish for once it wasn't a dog eat dog world..."

Historical memory is on life support.

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

'That's one hell of a cat-flap Harry. You must have a big cat, heh, heh.'

"Say hello to my little friend."

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

Ask not for whom happy hour ends. It ends for thee.

Shakespeare. Hamlet. Romeo and Juliet. "To be or not to be, that is the question". "We are such stuff …As dreams are made of …" "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other word would small as sweet." That Shakespeare guy had some neat sound bites.

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

Buy one beer, get one free. If I may paraphrase a famous quote, "Beer is proof that God has mixed feelings about us and wants us to be hungover."

Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, in all the solar systems, in all the galaxies, in all the universe, she walks into mine.

Mortally Wounded at the Battle of Quebec, General James Wolfe Forgets His Last Words

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"I strongly encourage you Winds to 'roll with it'. I would hate to see you become part of the Gulf Stream... if you know what I mean."

"Tia Carmen, did you ever wish summer was over...so you could be in school?"

'Can I have some of your peanut butter and jelly sandwich? All my mom ever gives me is cake.'

"This does not make us friends."

To paraphrase Humphrey Bogart in "Casablanca," "Of all the comic strips in all the newspapers in all the world, you walk into mine." ? ? ?

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"In the future, son, everyone will be an attorney for fifteen minutes."

'How now, brown cow?'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

''Science is nothing but trained and organized common sense' Thomas Huxley, 1825-1895.'

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

National Security Agency. "The unexamined life is not worth living." Entrance. I doubt they mean that in the same way Socrates did!

'You can't fool all of the people all of the time...not on our advertising budget.'

"Did Yogi Berra ever say anything besides 'It ain't over till it's over'?"

"I can never go metric. 'Al's 30.48 Centimeter Hot Dogs' just doesn't sound right."

"The truth? You can't HANDLE the truth!"

Language of politics.

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

'You can't handle the truth.' - Scene from 'Do these pants make me look fat' starring Jack Nioholson