Funny Bartender Gifts

"Tomorrow night let's switch back to gin."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"Death Star? Is that in the Valley?"

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"What other tricks does he need?"

Complementary Beverages

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"She said don't forget the straw."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

A breakthrough moment for the Wright brothers. How about some wings with that?

"Sipsies?"

"This may be the beer, Zoloft, Rogaine, Cialis and Avapro talking ... but I feel weird."

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

'I'd like a brandy please...'

CartoonStock Upload"You are an all-round good guy!"

Bar, My dog doesn't understand me.

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

'Hey carrot-breath! You still mad cause we ran you a little today? Hounds gotta make a living too, ya know.'

"The sign of the sun has been a big influence on his local life, it's his local pub."

People talking through a stethoscope.

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

'Two pints of blonde please.'

Special Euro 2020 Menu: Humble Pie

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.