Funeral Satirist Gifts

'This modestly priced model says, 'He always seemed like an okay guy.''

'Think on . . . no clapping - and definitely no cheering!'

The game comes first...

'I'm glad you could make it. He always liked you. Can you stay for the flush?'

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

Dead Man's Handel

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

I told myself I wasn't going to cry at his funeral

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

A signaller directing pallbearers

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

"Well he was there a minute ago!"

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

Fisherman Funneral

"Johnson's selling ad space in the tunnel of light."

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

"I think it's important to remember that he isn't gone forever. He's still alive. He just played a character on TV who died."

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

No caption. (Mimes carry an invisible casket from a hearse).

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

Bugs hold a candle-light vigil for fallen comrade while the old man responsible for his death is unrepentant.

"Hell of a way to end the summer."

"When Kevin walked into a room, he lit it up."

'I think he would have been pleased to know that I got his entire record breaking bungee jump on video.'

'When you said we were planting a bug, this isn't what I thought you had in mind."

"Pleasant Hill Funeral Home. Free Wi-Fi."

O'Leary's Monuments