Funeral Planning Enthusiast Pillows

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

Very well, will that be paper or plastic?

"I like this idea of yours, Geerson!"

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'While I'm here, what are your favourite hymns?'

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

"Given a choice, would you prefer to be buried, cremated or converted to fossil fuel?"

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

"It's just that they usually ask for their ASHES to be scattered!"

"What do you mean, what's my favourite hymn?"

A signaller directing pallbearers

"I know I agreed to hold a funeral for Wendy's goldfish...but did she have to ask Reverend Clark to officiate?"

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"What if you go under before I need to?"

'Do you think there's anything after death?'

'You'd look good in that.'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

Coffin floating out of outflow pipe.

'I tend to bury stuff.'

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'

"I want my ashes scattered over Bergdorf's."

O'Leary's Monuments

"He will be remembered by his Google Assistant."

'I wouldn't be seen dead in a cardboard coffin!'

"The doctors said it's just one of the side effects of the medication he's on."

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

'If we do meet again in the after-life, you don't know me, o.k.?'

"Hell of a way to end the summer."

"Of course, in life he was allergic to them."

Tombstone: 'Paul F. Nelson, Doing the Dead Thing Exclusively at Greenmeadow Cemetery since Sept. 25, 2005'

Sympathy Cards