Funeral Planning Pillows

'If you're on a budget, we can curl him up.'

'I've decided I want to be cremated and have my ashes put in a snow globe.'

"Don't worry, we can handle all the arrangements for your husband. We can even make it look like an accident."

"It was so sudden. You were lucky to find a sponsor."

"Burial or cremation?"

'Never cared what anyone thought - until the very end.'

"I want my ashes scattered over Bergdorf's."

"It was what he wanted... only cheaper"

"At least he went quick. Although not quick enough, I'm afraid. This discount coupon expired last month."

Man and woman at funeral parlor see sign, 'Ask about our Layaway Plan'.

'...Or, if you're on a budget, there's always the La Brea tar pits.'

'These shipping crates are more in line with our budget.'

"We also have urns, if you want to think outside the box."

Morticians

Funeral home - You can run, but you can't formaldehyde.

'It's never an easy decision, but if you're looking for something economical, why don't you take a look at out value menu-er...Value model?'

'Ironically, our price increases are due to the high cost of living.'

All Sales Final

"Given a choice, would you prefer to be buried, cremated or converted to fossil fuel?"

Gravestone: I Told You I Was Sick!

"Fred said he wants his ashes mingled with Daisy's ashes. He said not a word about my ashes!"

"Dick, would you be the keynote speaker at my funeral?"

"I hardly think you'll warrant an invitation-only funeral."

"Eventually, Howard wants to dump himself in the Atlantic and serve as an artificial reef for fish."

"Personally, I prefer cremation."

"Would you like to save 10 percent today by opening a Palmer Funeral Home account?"

"Would you please stop saying 'It's your funeral'. It's my husband's funeral."

"He will be remembered by his Google Assistant."

"When you die do you want to be cremated or buried?"

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"Is this the funniest model you have?"

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

"Engraving is $25 per character......thirty plus characters, and the Emoji is free."

"This is where your grandfather is buried."

"Of course, in life he was allergic to them."