Funeral Planning Aficionado Pillows

"We also have urns, if you want to think outside the box."

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'While I'm here, what are your favourite hymns?'

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

"Given a choice, would you prefer to be buried, cremated or converted to fossil fuel?"

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

A signaller directing pallbearers

"I know I agreed to hold a funeral for Wendy's goldfish...but did she have to ask Reverend Clark to officiate?"

"What do you mean, what's my favourite hymn?"

"It's just that they usually ask for their ASHES to be scattered!"

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

Coffin floating out of outflow pipe.

'I tend to bury stuff.'

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

'You'd look good in that.'

'Do you think there's anything after death?'

"I want my ashes scattered over Bergdorf's."

O'Leary's Monuments

"He will be remembered by his Google Assistant."

"Hell of a way to end the summer."

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

"The doctors said it's just one of the side effects of the medication he's on."

RIP...snores are coming from the grave.

'If we do meet again in the after-life, you don't know me, o.k.?'

"Of course, in life he was allergic to them."

Tombstone: 'Paul F. Nelson, Doing the Dead Thing Exclusively at Greenmeadow Cemetery since Sept. 25, 2005'

'I wouldn't be seen dead in a cardboard coffin!'

Sympathy Cards