Funeral Planner With A Twist Pillows

"In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you advocate for a violent overthrow of the government."

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'While I'm here, what are your favourite hymns?'

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"Given a choice, would you prefer to be buried, cremated or converted to fossil fuel?"

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

"You mind? I'm starting a blog."

"It's just that they usually ask for their ASHES to be scattered!"

"What do you mean, what's my favourite hymn?"

A signaller directing pallbearers

"I know I agreed to hold a funeral for Wendy's goldfish...but did she have to ask Reverend Clark to officiate?"

Internet wedding - 'Apparently, you get a 40% discount if you marry on-line...'

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'

Murder on the Newlywed Game.

'Do you think there's anything after death?'

'You'd look good in that.'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

Coffin floating out of outflow pipe.

'I tend to bury stuff.'

"I want my ashes scattered over Bergdorf's."

'If we do meet again in the after-life, you don't know me, o.k.?'

"Of course, in life he was allergic to them."

"The doctors said it's just one of the side effects of the medication he's on."

O'Leary's Monuments

'I wouldn't be seen dead in a cardboard coffin!'

Sympathy Cards

"He will be remembered by his Google Assistant."

Tombstone: 'Paul F. Nelson, Doing the Dead Thing Exclusively at Greenmeadow Cemetery since Sept. 25, 2005'