Burial Planner Extraordinaire Pillows

'I want to be buried next to a physician!'

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

Prenuptial Wedding Cake

'While I'm here, what are your favourite hymns?'

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

Saleswoman holds mirror up to the backside of the bride's dress

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

"Given a choice, would you prefer to be buried, cremated or converted to fossil fuel?"

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

"I know I agreed to hold a funeral for Wendy's goldfish...but did she have to ask Reverend Clark to officiate?"

A signaller directing pallbearers

"What do you mean, what's my favourite hymn?"

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"It's just that they usually ask for their ASHES to be scattered!"

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

'Do you think there's anything after death?'

'I tend to bury stuff.'

'You'd look good in that.'

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'

Coffin floating out of outflow pipe.

"I want my ashes scattered over Bergdorf's."

"He will be remembered by his Google Assistant."

"Well...in that case you could consider our eco burial."

Sympathy Cards

'If we do meet again in the after-life, you don't know me, o.k.?'

"The doctors said it's just one of the side effects of the medication he's on."

'I wouldn't be seen dead in a cardboard coffin!'

"Hell of a way to end the summer."

"Of course, in life he was allergic to them."