Burial Planner Extraordinaire T-Shirts

'I want to be buried next to a physician!'

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

Saleswoman holds mirror up to the backside of the bride's dress

'While I'm here, what are your favourite hymns?'

Prenuptial Wedding Cake

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

"Given a choice, would you prefer to be buried, cremated or converted to fossil fuel?"

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"Harold died happy knowing he gained a certain immortality through social media."

A signaller directing pallbearers

"What do you mean, what's my favourite hymn?"

"It's just that they usually ask for their ASHES to be scattered!"

"I know I agreed to hold a funeral for Wendy's goldfish...but did she have to ask Reverend Clark to officiate?"

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

'Do you think there's anything after death?'

'I tend to bury stuff.'

'You'd look good in that.'

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

Coffin floating out of outflow pipe.

We think he's dead, but why don

"I want my ashes scattered over Bergdorf's."

"He will be remembered by his Google Assistant."

Relax, it's fake fur.

Sympathy Cards

"Hell of a way to end the summer."

"Of course, in life he was allergic to them."

"The doctors said it's just one of the side effects of the medication he's on."

'If we do meet again in the after-life, you don't know me, o.k.?'

"Well...in that case you could consider our eco burial."