Funeral Planner With A Twist Gifts

"In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you advocate for a violent overthrow of the government."

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'While I'm here, what are your favourite hymns?'

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

"Given a choice, would you prefer to be buried, cremated or converted to fossil fuel?"

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

"It's just that they usually ask for their ASHES to be scattered!"

A signaller directing pallbearers

"What do you mean, what's my favourite hymn?"

"Harold died happy knowing he gained a certain immortality through social media."

"You mind? I'm starting a blog."

"I know I agreed to hold a funeral for Wendy's goldfish...but did she have to ask Reverend Clark to officiate?"

Internet wedding - 'Apparently, you get a 40% discount if you marry on-line...'

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'

'You'd look good in that.'

Coffin floating out of outflow pipe.

'I tend to bury stuff.'

'Do you think there's anything after death?'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

Murder on the Newlywed Game.

We think he's dead, but why don

"I want my ashes scattered over Bergdorf's."

'If we do meet again in the after-life, you don't know me, o.k.?'

O'Leary's Monuments

"The doctors said it's just one of the side effects of the medication he's on."

Tombstone: 'Paul F. Nelson, Doing the Dead Thing Exclusively at Greenmeadow Cemetery since Sept. 25, 2005'

"Of course, in life he was allergic to them."

"He will be remembered by his Google Assistant."

"Hell of a way to end the summer."