Funeral Planner's Nightmare Gifts

RIP...snores are coming from the grave.

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

Marriage least expected to last...

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

"Whoa! Was that today?"

She never could tell when he was being sarcastic.

'While I'm here, what are your favourite hymns?'

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

"Given a choice, would you prefer to be buried, cremated or converted to fossil fuel?"

'I wish you'd told me your brother worked for the Mirror before we got him to do the wedding pictures.'

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

"Harold died happy knowing he gained a certain immortality through social media."

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

A signaller directing pallbearers

"What do you mean, what's my favourite hymn?"

"I know I agreed to hold a funeral for Wendy's goldfish...but did she have to ask Reverend Clark to officiate?"

"It's just that they usually ask for their ASHES to be scattered!"

"You mind? I'm starting a blog."

Marriage Ceremony

'It will be a big wedding, I invited all 2679 of my facebook friends,'

'You'd look good in that.'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

'I tend to bury stuff.'

'Do you think there's anything after death?'

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'

Coffin floating out of outflow pipe.

We think he's dead, but why don

"I want my ashes scattered over Bergdorf's."

"The doctors said it's just one of the side effects of the medication he's on."

"Of course, in life he was allergic to them."

Relax, it's fake fur.