Funeral Planner's Nightmare Gifts

RIP...snores are coming from the grave.

Marriage least expected to last...

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

"Whoa! Was that today?"

She never could tell when he was being sarcastic.

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

'While I'm here, what are your favourite hymns?'

"Given a choice, would you prefer to be buried, cremated or converted to fossil fuel?"

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

'I wish you'd told me your brother worked for the Mirror before we got him to do the wedding pictures.'

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

A signaller directing pallbearers

Marriage Ceremony

"I know I agreed to hold a funeral for Wendy's goldfish...but did she have to ask Reverend Clark to officiate?"

"What do you mean, what's my favourite hymn?"

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"You mind? I'm starting a blog."

"It's just that they usually ask for their ASHES to be scattered!"

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

'Do you think there's anything after death?'

'You'd look good in that.'

'I tend to bury stuff.'

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'

Coffin floating out of outflow pipe.

"I want my ashes scattered over Bergdorf's."

'If we do meet again in the after-life, you don't know me, o.k.?'

"The doctors said it's just one of the side effects of the medication he's on."

"He will be remembered by his Google Assistant."

"Hell of a way to end the summer."