Funeral Planner's Buddy Gifts

He looks so normal.

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

'While I'm here, what are your favourite hymns?'

"Given a choice, would you prefer to be buried, cremated or converted to fossil fuel?"

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

"Harold died happy knowing he gained a certain immortality through social media."

A signaller directing pallbearers

"What do you mean, what's my favourite hymn?"

"What if you go under before I need to?"

"It's just that they usually ask for their ASHES to be scattered!"

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"I know I agreed to hold a funeral for Wendy's goldfish...but did she have to ask Reverend Clark to officiate?"

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'

Coffin floating out of outflow pipe.

'I tend to bury stuff.'

We think he's dead, but why don

'Do you think there's anything after death?'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

'You'd look good in that.'

"I want my ashes scattered over Bergdorf's."

Relax, it's fake fur.

O'Leary's Monuments

Sympathy Cards

RIP...snores are coming from the grave.

"Hell of a way to end the summer."

"Of course, in life he was allergic to them."

"The doctors said it's just one of the side effects of the medication he's on."

'I wouldn't be seen dead in a cardboard coffin!'

"He will be remembered by his Google Assistant."

Tombstone: 'Paul F. Nelson, Doing the Dead Thing Exclusively at Greenmeadow Cemetery since Sept. 25, 2005'