Funeral Planner Enthusiast Gifts

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

'While I'm here, what are your favourite hymns?'

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

"Given a choice, would you prefer to be buried, cremated or converted to fossil fuel?"

A bride and her father walk down an aisle decorated with cost of the wedding.

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"I know I agreed to hold a funeral for Wendy's goldfish...but did she have to ask Reverend Clark to officiate?"

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"It's just that they usually ask for their ASHES to be scattered!"

A signaller directing pallbearers

"What do you mean, what's my favourite hymn?"

'You'd look good in that.'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

'Do you think there's anything after death?'

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'

'I tend to bury stuff.'

Coffin floating out of outflow pipe.

"Whew! At last, I can eat!"

"I want my ashes scattered over Bergdorf's."

Sympathy Cards

"He just rang to say carry on without him and he'll see us at the reception."

"He will be remembered by his Google Assistant."

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

"Of course, in life he was allergic to them."

'I wouldn't be seen dead in a cardboard coffin!'

O'Leary's Monuments