Planning A Funeral Pillows

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

'I just don't understand why our Buy One Get One Free offer on coffins isn't popular!'

'Quit blubbering. This is why I hate taking you shopping.'

"What about you? Would you rather leave a stump or be mulched and scattered?"

"What will it take to put one of you two into a brand-new Eterna-5000 today?"

'I want to be buried next to a physician!'

"...and our cremation options include french fried, baked, roasted and hash browned."

"Well...in that case you could consider our eco burial."

'You'd look good in that.'

Very well, will that be paper or plastic?

'I want to be buried in the smoking section!'

A wife is reading about funeral directors at her husband's hospital bedside.

"This one's a favorite with the fellas. All leather interior and that new car smell."

"All we have left is standing room only."

He looks so natural lying there...

'He loved that dog.'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'He was a great writer'

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

Life after death

Life and Death

Amy Winehouse, up in Rock N' Roll heaven.

"I guess laughter wasn’t the best medicine."

A man in a little rowboat goes to his grave.

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

'While I'm here, what are your favourite hymns?'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

2pm meet your Creator

Ventriloquist Grave