Funeral Planning Gifts

'If you're on a budget, we can curl him up.'

'I've decided I want to be cremated and have my ashes put in a snow globe.'

"Don't worry, we can handle all the arrangements for your husband. We can even make it look like an accident."

"Burial or cremation?"

"It was so sudden. You were lucky to find a sponsor."

'Never cared what anyone thought - until the very end.'

"It was what he wanted... only cheaper"

'...Or, if you're on a budget, there's always the La Brea tar pits.'

Man and woman at funeral parlor see sign, 'Ask about our Layaway Plan'.

'These shipping crates are more in line with our budget.'

"At least he went quick. Although not quick enough, I'm afraid. This discount coupon expired last month."

"I want my ashes scattered over Bergdorf's."

'It's never an easy decision, but if you're looking for something economical, why don't you take a look at out value menu-er...Value model?'

"We also have urns, if you want to think outside the box."

Morticians

Gravestone: I Told You I Was Sick!

"Given a choice, would you prefer to be buried, cremated or converted to fossil fuel?"

'Ironically, our price increases are due to the high cost of living.'

All Sales Final

Funeral home - You can run, but you can't formaldehyde.

Souvenirs at a funeral.

In over his head stone.

"This is where your grandfather is buried."

Rave last rites, "Tutti frutti absolutti!"

"Casket, coffin, or Tupperware?"

"Of course, in life he was allergic to them."

We think he's dead, but why don

"It's extra roomy so you can roll over more easily."

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

"Is this the funniest model you have?"

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"When you die do you want to be cremated or buried?"

"Would you please stop saying 'It's your funeral'. It's my husband's funeral."

"Would you like to save 10 percent today by opening a Palmer Funeral Home account?"

"Eventually, Howard wants to dump himself in the Atlantic and serve as an artificial reef for fish."