Funeral Planner Fan Pillows

"If I had it to do over again I definitely wouldn't have been cremated."

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

Pre-nuptual Nativity

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"I know I agreed to hold a funeral for Wendy's goldfish...but did she have to ask Reverend Clark to officiate?"

I told myself I wasn't going to cry at his funeral

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

A signaller directing pallbearers

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

'You'd look good in that.'

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'

'I tend to bury stuff.'

"If anyone has reason why these two should not be wed, tweet now or forever hold posting online comments."

"Hell of a way to end the summer."

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

"The doctors said it's just one of the side effects of the medication he's on."

'Will you promise to honor each other's stuff?'

'I wouldn't be seen dead in a cardboard coffin!'

'Are you sure we've got the right date?'

'What's the matter, baby? . . . Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is.'

The final stage of Terminal Political Correctness.

'I want to be buried in the smoking section!'

"Is he gonna read the ENTIRE Book of Psalms!?! C'Mon!!!"

'I'm looking for something with more legroom.'

It was his final wish.

"We also have urns, if you want to think outside the box."

"By the way, your phone's dead, so I've taken care of everything."

Chinese Funerals.

"She requested a twilight service because she wasn't a mourning person."

"He always said he was going to take it with him."