Funeral Planner Fan Prints

"If I had it to do over again I definitely wouldn't have been cremated."

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

Pre-nuptual Nativity

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

A signaller directing pallbearers

"I know I agreed to hold a funeral for Wendy's goldfish...but did she have to ask Reverend Clark to officiate?"

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'

'You'd look good in that.'

'I tend to bury stuff.'

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

'What's the matter, baby? . . . Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is.'

'I wouldn't be seen dead in a cardboard coffin!'

"Hell of a way to end the summer."

'Are you sure we've got the right date?'

"The doctors said it's just one of the side effects of the medication he's on."

"If anyone has reason why these two should not be wed, tweet now or forever hold posting online comments."

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

'Will you promise to honor each other's stuff?'

'I want to be buried in the smoking section!'

"Is he gonna read the ENTIRE Book of Psalms!?! C'Mon!!!"

The final stage of Terminal Political Correctness.

'I'm looking for something with more legroom.'

"We also have urns, if you want to think outside the box."

"By the way, your phone's dead, so I've taken care of everything."

"She requested a twilight service because she wasn't a mourning person."

"He always said he was going to take it with him."

"Yes, it's my husband Ron, it was cheaper to get him stuffed than buried."

'He would have wanted it this way, Molly.'