Funeral Foodie Gifts

"Will you all please bow your heads for the reading of the menu."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Do you want toast with that?'

'Another sad case of an over dose on uncut sugar cereal.'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

CSI Fridays

'Ooh girl, he may look like a potato, but he moves like a yam!'

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

"Try and push the eye of newt and wing of bat casserole."

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

I told myself I wasn't going to cry at his funeral

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

"Well he was there a minute ago!"

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

Crash Test Dummy Funerals.

"I think it's important to remember that he isn't gone forever. He's still alive. He just played a character on TV who died."

Fisherman Funneral

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

No caption. (Mimes carry an invisible casket from a hearse).

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

Bugs hold a candle-light vigil for fallen comrade while the old man responsible for his death is unrepentant.

"Stomach content analysis shows the onions were sauteed after the pork was added but before adding the fennel."

O'Leary's Monuments

'When you said we were planting a bug, this isn't what I thought you had in mind."

'Why is he always hanging around?'

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

'All you can eat, burgers.'

"When Kevin walked into a room, he lit it up."

'I'd always hoped that I'd leave this mortal coil surrounded by my beautiful, loving family,,, so can some of you ugly ones move to the back'

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'