Crime Scene Foodie Gifts

"Stomach content analysis shows the onions were sauteed after the pork was added but before adding the fennel."

Try to guess the continent dining...

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

GM Crops Genie.

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

'Another sad case of an over dose on uncut sugar cereal.'

Horse meat scandal.

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

CSI Fridays

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

The big break in the case of the missing French Fries: 'But just to make sure, can you have each of them squawk.'

A dead Olive found stabbed, in a Cocktail drink

"Try and push the eye of newt and wing of bat casserole."

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

"Remind me - superfood or carcinogen?"

"Sure we could just print out the specials, but the chef doesn't want to leave a paper trail."

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

'He asked me if I wanted to put anything on my burger, so I had a tenner each way.'

'Waiter! There's a . . . oh, never mind.'

Butcher Shop. Special: Soup Bones! Soup has bones?!

'Food critics cannot determine what are crime scenes.'

"Excuse me, sir! Do these vegetables have any dangerous additives?"

'I keep getting stomach cramps after eating.' - 'You're probably intolerant to certain foods.' - 'Can you test for that?' - 'Yes, just eat things one by one and see what makes you ill.' - 'Won't that be slow and painful?' - 'Fingers crossed.'

"Its DNA is consistent with meat loaf."

"We have ways of making you spill the beans, you know."