Culinary Crime Aficionado Gifts

"Sure we could just print out the specials, but the chef doesn't want to leave a paper trail."

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"I've had it with you guys! From now on, have your arguments on your own time!"

Cafe Burns.

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

'Another sad case of an over dose on uncut sugar cereal.'

'Beat 3,000 eggs and add one quart of 10-30W oil? So much for putting my recipes on the computer.'

Cooking With Pollock.

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'Make it look like an accident.'

CSI Fridays

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

"All right, we straighten this out immediately! René threw the bouillabaisse at Jacques, no? The Jam-bon en croûte was thrown by Jacques at René, correct? The truite en gelée and the fraises des bois were thrown by François at Henri, and Henri threw the mousse au chocolat at François, and . . ."

"I believe this is a case for Sherlock Holmes..."

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

"I'm going out for beef chow mein - want anything?"

"No, I'm not calling for order in the court. I'm tenderizing a porterhouse steak. Do continue, counselor."

'Brilliant writing, Mr. Fenswick, but I'm afraid we'll have to pass on your 'How to Commit the Perfect Crime'!'

A dead Olive found stabbed, in a Cocktail drink

Tsunami in the cooking pot.

"Little Timmy is big enough to use you burglary tools."

'Might as well get comfortable. The appeal process can take forever.'

'I told you we shouldn't have brought him.'

Chef chasing an egg.

'I always return to the scene of the crime. Is that normal?'

"Mr. Boyd, are you charged with stealing from Bob's bakery. How do you plead?"

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

'Hello, police? There's been a food fight here and I'm afraid the cheese got the worse of it.'

"My son is a saint - he's always cooperating with the authorities."

Santa, Alien, Easter Bunny and Sasquatch plan the perfect caper.