Culinary Criminal Gifts

"Mr. Boyd, are you charged with stealing from Bob's bakery. How do you plead?"

T-Bones STEAK House...NO sissy salad bar!...Heimlich expert always on duty'

Soup of the month.

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

Try to guess the continent dining...

Garden.

Too much cilantro

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

"Hmm...I LOVE chocolate chip ice cream...!"

Garlic Free Zone.

I love Cannelloni

'It's my favorite.'

Holiday Supplies

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

"Please don't kill me."

"Valet park only"

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

"Number 2. Step forward please."

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

"Marions nous! Tu payes les impôts, j'offre le resto!"

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"You're really not too extreme, huh?"

"I'm unable to process this image."

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.