Funeral Anecdotes Admirer Gifts

'I can't make it. I'm dead.'

"I can neither confirm nor deny what this next song is about."

My Spam Sketchbook

"Some day, son, all these aches and pains will be yours."

Statue fishing.

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

Benefactor of children

"She feeds me the same stuff every single day, yet I can't help approaching it like I have NO idea what it could possibly be!"

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

Snake funerals.

The four hearsemen with the Alpaca lips.

Gravedigger

"No, Liz— they didn’t take your Chantecaille Nano Gold Energizing Cream!"

Tomb of the Unknown Electrician.

"This is a good jumping off point for our final topic."

"Never lend money to anyone over 90."

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

'Benny wanted a closed casket service...but, since you traveled so far to be here...I can give you a quick peek for ten dollars.'

'- and how does the graveyard shift appeal to you?'

'Fred is terrified of identity theft.'

"We were out of embalming fluid so we stuffed your wife with wild rice."

'First, let me emphasize that the open casket was his idea.'

"Sir, did the piano die?"

"Yes, it's my husband Ron, it was cheaper to get him stuffed than buried."

Undertakers Pole

"Finally a bit of good luck..."

'He would have wanted it this way, Molly.'

"This is your first burial at sea, isn't it!"

Undertaker awards.