Funeral Anecdotes Admirer Gifts

'I can't make it. I'm dead.'

"I can neither confirm nor deny what this next song is about."

My Spam Sketchbook

Statue fishing.

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"Some day, son, all these aches and pains will be yours."

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

"She feeds me the same stuff every single day, yet I can't help approaching it like I have NO idea what it could possibly be!"

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

Benefactor of children

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

The four hearsemen with the Alpaca lips.

Snake funerals.

Gravedigger

"We were out of embalming fluid so we stuffed your wife with wild rice."

"We gather here today in memory of Chuckles, Kornflake, Doodles, Yo-Yo, Cupcake...."

'Benny wanted a closed casket service...but, since you traveled so far to be here...I can give you a quick peek for ten dollars.'

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

At Salvador Dali's funeral,

"This is a good jumping off point for our final topic."

Tomb of the Unknown Electrician.

'- and how does the graveyard shift appeal to you?'

"No, Liz— they didn’t take your Chantecaille Nano Gold Energizing Cream!"

'Fred is terrified of identity theft.'

"Never lend money to anyone over 90."

'First, let me emphasize that the open casket was his idea.'

'Some people couldn't make it today, but they've sent a few tweets...'

"Finally a bit of good luck..."

"Yes, it's my husband Ron, it was cheaper to get him stuffed than buried."

"Sir, did the piano die?"

Undertakers Pole

'He would have wanted it this way, Molly.'

"This is your first burial at sea, isn't it!"