Funding Officer Gifts

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

'I'm sorry but I'm afraid the corporation is going in a different direction.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

'Ladies and gents, the executive-worker pay ratio is not what it used to be!'

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

Expenses/Income. "Our only problem is working out how to switch these."

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

"Who's your daddy corporation?"

'I became successful when my dreams changed from the Cary Grants of the world to federal grants.'

'Our union contract keeps us from cutting salaries, but nothing prevents us from charging for parking.'

'Ooops! My mistake. That was the yearly budget estimate, no the monthly estimate.'

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

"...That's agreed then, we raise our salaries by 40%..."

"We're estimating that sales are now up to about here."

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

Pinara fund

Man reading 'How not to get caught.'

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

"This is Thompson, he has a black belt in budget control."

'It's a private school. Can't say which one, it's private.'

Damn. Out of quarters again for the Pay Electron Microscope.

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

'If the universe and everything in it is expanding, how come our budget gets shrunk all the time?'

'I'm putting you in charge of past due accounts.'