Financial Aid Officer Gifts

'It's a private school. Can't say which one, it's private.'

'Nice try with the scraggly outfits. However, I saw you pull up in the 2007 Mercedes CL 550'

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"What's a debenture?"

'Salaries Manager. No.'

Bank Loan Dept. Personal Business. Uh-oh, some loans have gone bad! A tennis pro defaulted and a novelist is in Chapter 7. The bed linens company folded and the scuba school went under! Are any of our loans still good? Yeah, the music streaming service is totally sound! And ironically, the lighting company is in the black!

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

'I'm sorry but I'm afraid the corporation is going in a different direction.'

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

'For an explanation of the financial terms of this loan, please enroll in a continuing-education economics class at your local community college.'

'Ladies and gents, the executive-worker pay ratio is not what it used to be!'

First National Bank. Keep life exciting --- Ask about our variable rate, interest-only mortgages.

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

'The Fed decided today not to raise or lower interest rates, but instead just moved them sideways a little.'

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

"The date protection policy is all about access to information, and we all know information is POWER!"

"This is the World Bank? Somehow, I had pictured it differently."

'Mixed news from the federal reserve...interest rates will drop on savings but will go up on loans.'

'Sorry, that was before the fed raised the interest rates.'

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

Bank cashier sits near sign: 'Please do not ask for credit, as refusal often offends'.

Historic Bank Jobs.

Practical loans vs. devil-may-care loans.