Loan Officer Gifts

'You're part of the 6% we won't be lending money to...'

"What I'd like, basically, is a temporary line of credit just to tide me over the rest of my life."

"If you've already sent payment, please disregard this notice."

'We are prepared to make you a loan, but first you have to prove that you really don't need it,'

'Where I come from it's called collateral.'

"Of course, you could try another bank, if there were any other banks."

'If you've already sent in your payment, kindly disregard this friendly reminder.'

'Is there anything we can do to repay you other than to repay you?'

"Yes, I can help you with your loan questions. I'm the loan arranger."

I'm afraid your loan will be stuck in underwriting until you've each had a full panic attack.'

"Beg."

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

'Aren't you afraid of inaccuracies on your credit report?'

'I need to arrange for some bridge financing.'

'Looks good. Let me run it past the number-crunchers.'

"Well, thanks anyway for sharing your financial plight with us."

'You're what we call 'high risk'.'

"A high-five isn't binding, sir. You still have to sign a loan agreement."

'You want a loan, you say? Ha, Ha, that's a good one!....Where in the world did you hear that banks made loans?!'

'Any collateral other than this letter from a Nigerian banker's widow?'

'Your credit rating is a bit low but we can still offer you a loan. Do you have a problem with being fitted for an electronic ankle bracelet?'

"A high five isn't binding Sir. You still have to sign a loan agreement."

EZ Loan - Thumbs Down.

Open a new account and receive a foreclosed house.

'Right now I'd say our biggest asset is our credit card debt.'

'All those in favor of making more loans, raise your hands.' (staff's hands are tied to chairs).

'I just need enough money to get out of debt.'

'The Fed decided today not to raise or lower interest rates, but instead just moved them sideways a little.'

"Whoops! There go those darned interest rates again!"

'Of course I have unpaid loans, what other kind is there?'

'We're being foreclosed on. We're going to have to relocate to a loafer.'

"What type of Line are you using?"

'Funniest Credit Applications'

Three little pigs-mortgage.

Begging in front of a Loan machine