Loans Officer Gifts

'How do I know you'll still be around in a year?'

'Collateral? Sure, I've got collateral. How about a boatload of misery, a house of pain and a suitcase full 'o the blues?'

'Now you've signed all your assets over to the bank, I'm happy to lend you your bus fare home.'

'Boy, for a trust company, you're not very trusting!'

'I'm afraid we can't use your other outstanding loans as collateral.'

'Thank you for approving my loan application. Is this a good time to speak to you about loan modification?'

'Your assets speak for themselves. They say 'no'.'

'Satisfied now??'

'You built this with our venture capital. Now we would like our 60%.'

'Sorry, we don't give loans for divorces.'

'It's a mistake to borrow money from a friend.'

'I have lots of experience. I was a loan shark for a decade.'

'Could I have a loan a cup of sugar please?'

'Are you sure you want to get a loan from him?'

'We rejected your application for a loan, my friend.'

'Oh he's my loans officer.'

'The bank gave us a 100 million credit line. Why won't you loan me a quarter?'

'Need some money for a facelift, I presume?'

'Interest rates have fallen again. The bank will now pay you to borrow money.'

Sweet. Solid business plan, backed by a three-piece band.

'I'm making a comeback!'

'No, I wouldn't say I had a fixed income. In fact, I'd say it's very much in need of repair!'

'I'm having triplets.'

Loans: First hurdle.

Loans: Enter, bow and scrape.

'Money's so tight these days, it's harder to get into debt than out of it.'

'Can you believe this bank? . . . Yesterday they refuse me a loan, today they send me a leaflet for a loan.'

ACME National Bank: Assets - Some very good friends on the house banking committee.

Mafia Loans: 'We've gone completely legit, except for the broken kneecaps.'

'Remember son: not a borrower but a lender be.'

"I told you the banks are still turning away borrowers."

'Oh dear, there seems to have been a misunderstanding - I was hoping you could lend the bank some money so it could pay my bonus this year!'

'I'm sure it is precious to you Mr Figgins, but I'm afraid I can't accept it as collateral.'

"I'd like to extend my lion of credit."

'How big exactly is your newspaper bill?'