Funding Fanatics Gifts

'Since we switched from discovering new lifesaving antibiotics to discovering new daiquiri drinks, our funding has tripled.'

"It's not the grant we expected, but it's better than a kick in the pants."

'Oh. Our research grant has finally come through.'

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

'This is where we go to get away from it all. . . except for Stanley's money.'

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

Born to raise interest rates.

'I became successful when my dreams changed from the Cary Grants of the world to federal grants.'

'Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.'

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

'And this just in from the stock market... buy, sell, buy, sell, buy, sell, buy!'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

First United Church of Outrageously Overlimited Credit Card Holders

Overdraft limit.

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

I am billing, therefore I am.

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

The nonprofit dog fight.

"Does he have to do that every time he gets a little grant?"

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

"Humpty Dumpty had a great fall? Was he invested in emerging markets?"

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

"We're a hedge fund, Mr Marney, so I'm putting your allocation at 30% stocks, 30% bonds, and 40% bushes."

'Very nice, but I was hoping they'd be a little bit more obscene.'

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

'If at first you don't succeed, admit failure and ask for a bailout.'

'My micro is so good it's beginning to grow into the macro.'

'Inadvertently, Optometrist Niles Frobe triggers the Global Financial crisis' 'You have a bad case of eyestrain. I want you to keep your eyes off the ball for a few weeks!'

'Then one day Ralph decided there isn't anything more important than money, and became a day trader.'