Fundraising Fanatic Gifts

'and this one's for people who've hurt their wrists wearing too many wristbands'.

"The memorabilia auction was a huge flop."

'I'm raising funds to buy a parachute. Anything you can spare would be appreciated.'

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'

The nonprofit dog fight.

"Yes, we're a charity tackling skyrocketing income inequality, but we're also a charity that should be saying 'I love my billionaire finder.'"

"Let us through! We're charity fundraisers."

Walk for cancer. Walk against cancer.

"A bake sale may be tried and true, Isabel, but our foundation is trying to raise 5 million dollars here."

'That would be too easy - I'm doing a sponsored walk.'

Why the ice bucket challenge isn't for everyone.

"So nice of you to offer to display our posters" "I didn't. My pastor made me"

"Actually chaps I think we may want to move away from the whole 'hair' thing for plan B."

Worried about their funding, the Pentagon went to schools to learn how to run successful bake sales.

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

"Would you like to buy some Girl Scout candyyyy - I mean cookies?"

"We decided not to do a nude charity calendar this year, and opted to star in a porn dvd instead."

'Oh, no! Is it rag week again already?'

'Somehow I don't think 'Kevin's can of lager' is going to have the same impact as 'Martha#s Meals'!'

Do something funny for money.

Appeals

Your donation doesn

Have you thought about asking that thing first? The Giving Tree. The GoFundMe Bush.

Telethon. There should be a telethon to wipe out curiosity.

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"That's very innovative, but I'm just not interested in buying a box of Girl Scout Cigars."

"Girl scout liquers?"

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."