Fund Fanatic Gifts

"No, I don't want to buy any individual stocks. You should know that girls just want to have funds."

'Using your clients' money to landscape your compound doesn't constitute a 'hedge fund'.'

'Pingree FUNDS, inc'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Jack of all trades

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

Chiller Theatre

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Desk plaques: 'Money isn't everything' '...Which makes it no less awesome in my opinion.'

"#Win!"

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

World Economic Crisis.

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

'Let's try this church. They welcome all denominations!'

"Now I'll demonstrate how, with a minimum of capital investment, you can make a mountain out of a molehill!"

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."