Fund Fanatic Gifts

"No, I don't want to buy any individual stocks. You should know that girls just want to have funds."

'Using your clients' money to landscape your compound doesn't constitute a 'hedge fund'.'

'Pingree FUNDS, inc'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Profit

Jack of all trades

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Annual profits,

Desk plaques: 'Money isn't everything' '...Which makes it no less awesome in my opinion.'

"#Win!"

Chiller Theatre

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

World Economic Crisis.

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."