Finance Fanatic Gifts

'He's from Goldman Sacks.'

"Stocks can be risky, and you've got to be able to sleep at night. We'll set aside half your money for sleeping pills."

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

'You're part of the 6% we won't be lending money to...'

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'I made a real killing on the stock market today. I shot my broker.'

A two dollar stock sounds like a perfect investment...

"What I'd like, basically, is a temporary line of credit just to tide me over the rest of my life."

"Now, where was I?"

"Of all the markets, in all the world, you had to walk into mine."

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

'I don't want to brag, but I have a loophole named after me.'

'Well I think we found the source of your cash flow problems, Mr. Wallis!'

'Here's where accounting went all ethical on us.'

"With these credit default swaps, I never know whose legs I'm supposed to break."

'My problem is that I invested in liabilities that I thought were assets.'

'He's back on the ledge again! This time, he sold everything, and the market went back up.'

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

'Look, it's like I told you yesterday, if you want to invest in mutual funds you've got to start thinking long-term.' (Man wearing sign saying 'The End is Nigh').

'As long as he continues to come up with brilliant investment strategies we leave him alone...'

Ask About our Free Investment Advice: 'The free investment advice is buy low and sell high. We offer more detailed investment advice for a fee.'

Penny Saved, Penny Earned.

'He celebrates the fiscal New Year.'

'I tripled my salary to give you all a good benchmark.'

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

'We've got 9 seconds. Explain your life's research on the business cycle and how it applies to the current economy.'

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

'Mind if I go in first?'

Warren Buffett

"The Fed today explained the reason they raise interest rates is so they can lower them again..."

Debt Councellor: 'You'll have to declare yourself a Private Equity Company.'

'Yes, it went from 100 to 2, which is down 98%, but then it went from 2 to 4, which is up 100%, so you're ahead.'

Accounting: Desk trays - 'Accounts receivable' and 'Accounts deceivable'.

'Ready for another roll of the dice?'

'They're the same financial publication. It just depends if you're bullish or bearish.'