Finance Fanatic Pillows

"Stocks can be risky, and you've got to be able to sleep at night. We'll set aside half your money for sleeping pills."

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

'You're part of the 6% we won't be lending money to...'

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'I made a real killing on the stock market today. I shot my broker.'

"What I'd like, basically, is a temporary line of credit just to tide me over the rest of my life."

A two dollar stock sounds like a perfect investment...

"Now, where was I?"

"Of all the markets, in all the world, you had to walk into mine."

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

'I don't want to brag, but I have a loophole named after me.'

'Well I think we found the source of your cash flow problems, Mr. Wallis!'

'Here's where accounting went all ethical on us.'

"With these credit default swaps, I never know whose legs I'm supposed to break."

'My problem is that I invested in liabilities that I thought were assets.'

'He's back on the ledge again! This time, he sold everything, and the market went back up.'

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

'Look, it's like I told you yesterday, if you want to invest in mutual funds you've got to start thinking long-term.' (Man wearing sign saying 'The End is Nigh').

Ask About our Free Investment Advice: 'The free investment advice is buy low and sell high. We offer more detailed investment advice for a fee.'

Penny Saved, Penny Earned.

'As long as he continues to come up with brilliant investment strategies we leave him alone...'

'I tripled my salary to give you all a good benchmark.'

'He celebrates the fiscal New Year.'

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

'We've got 9 seconds. Explain your life's research on the business cycle and how it applies to the current economy.'

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

"The Fed today explained the reason they raise interest rates is so they can lower them again..."

'Mind if I go in first?'

'I'm putting you in charge of overdue accounts.'

'Yes, it went from 100 to 2, which is down 98%, but then it went from 2 to 4, which is up 100%, so you're ahead.'

'They're the same financial publication. It just depends if you're bullish or bearish.'

Debt Councellor: 'You'll have to declare yourself a Private Equity Company.'

'Ready for another roll of the dice?'

Accounting: Desk trays - 'Accounts receivable' and 'Accounts deceivable'.

'And you'll be pleased to notice, sir, that we had to eliminate the top of the chart.'