Finance Fanatics Gifts

I am billing, therefore I am.

Fat Cat & Accountant - 'How much tax can I avoid by becoming a Philanthropist?'

'No, that's not the diameter of an electron. It's the rate I'm currently getting on my Treasury money fund.'

Get rich slowly schemes - insert $1. Get rich quick schemes - insert $250,000.

The 8.05 to Wall Street.

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

Born to raise interest rates.

The Ground Floor

Financial advisor: "Gone to pay off my debts"

"I'm a local craftsperson - I make money."

"As your cell bitch, I imagine my Sarbanes-Oxley expertise should come in quite handy."

Unleashing the dogs of regulation.

". . . I see P/E ratios."

Romeo and Juliet at the investment bank.

"If you're such an expert, how come you still have to work?"

'OF COURSE we're still lending! What do you need? Comb? Razor? Toothbrush?'

'Looks like our social security check came in, as well as a bill for your student loan.'

'You asked for your bank account balance...it just went 'poof' and dripped down to zero!'

Your probation officer is on line two.

Man hugging bag of money, falling down a hole.

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

"We're showing a profit this quarter not even including ill-gotten gains."

"Sure I know the value of a dollar. Every time I ask for one you remind me."

A penny earned is quickly eaten up by inflation.

"We lost our shirts on the sub-mortgage fiasco."

'Careful Artie, hidden fees.'

'This is where the company started handing out sick bags!'

"You're a banker? Just the man I need. My liquidity has dried up!"

"The only emojis I've ever needed is a dollar sign."

'I've declared bankruptcy so many times my attorney refers to me as the 'universal insolvent'.'

Unglamourous job, but with massive rewards. How about the city?

'I chase women, but only to tell them about investment opportunities.'

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

'The only way you can become a millionaire by investing in savings accounts, is to invest millions in savings accounts.'