Investment Fanatic Gifts

'It was the best of investment times, it was the worst of investment times...' (A Tale of Two Markets).

'Now that I have your attention...'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Jack of all trades

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

"#Win!"

Desk plaques: 'Money isn't everything' '...Which makes it no less awesome in my opinion.'

Annual profits,

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

Wall Street Couch

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

Day trading.

World Economic Crisis.