Fund Management Gifts

Mismanagement Consultant.

'Now that I have your attention...'

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

The day the stock market went UP.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Profit

Great Chinese Dynasties

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

A fight in the Boardroom.

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Build Your Own Portfolio

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

Watering Money

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

Will work for ETFs

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

"... And to our friends in the Liberal Democratic party I award thirty pieces of silver."

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

A Day In The Kitchen

'Do you think we should tell anyone about this?'

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'