Financial Management Gifts

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

Tax Simplification

A Day In The Kitchen

Zen And The Art Of Bankruptcy

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

"Being insolvent isn't all that bad...just be thankful you're not one of your creditors."

"This is Thompson, he has a black belt in budget control."

'I know my grades weren't that good, but on the plus side, I'm the only person in my dorm who hasn't maxed out a credit card.'

'Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing.'

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

Acme Financial Management - Risking other people's money since 1927.

Director of Nickel and Diming

'If things don't improve, we'll have to close 3 plants and lay off 50 employees or ask you to live a little more simply.'

"We have a new financial model where you don't get paid anything."

'Spare change to throw at the deficit' machine.

'The way I see it, money is like a big manure pile, it's no good unless you spread it around.'

"We must be paying too much for our mortgage - the bank just named us 'Borrowers of the Month."

Jesus really does save.

'Apparently they've determined that the economic problems of the country come down to the lack of a receipt for our home office copier.'

Tipping the I.R.S.

'Somewhere out there is a credit card company that I don't owe money to.'

If you can hold off a week, you can deduct the child on your year one taxes. The Three Wise Accountants.

'Reinvent yourself. You write off the whole thing as a business expense!'

"Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it."

Why do you need so many computers?

"Do me a favor, Harlow. When you greet me, stop saying 'Hello, big spender!'"

'Wow, is this what we owe?'

ACCOUNTANT-IN-RESIDENCE: "John, we're going to have to cut back on the cadmiums."

Broker's Report

"Damn it, name a figure, name a figure."

The contract culture

'Oh, go ahead and buy it, dear — we'll find the money somewhere.'

'Here's where we went wrong - you applied for chapter 11, but you only qualify for chapter 6!'

'More like a budding treasury secretary.'

'We're a two-income family. In come the bills and in come the taxes!'