Managing Finances Gifts

'I will make an appointment to visit with a financial planner, dear--right after I get done taking down the Christmas lights.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Profit

Great Chinese Dynasties

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

Will work for ETFs

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'I think I know what the problem is!'

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

"... And to our friends in the Liberal Democratic party I award thirty pieces of silver."

'That's what I thought, finances are tight: She's switched to no-name cat food...'

A Day In The Kitchen

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

"When I was young my parents couldn't afford to give me too much, too soon."

"Your expense account ain't what it used to be. There's not enough money on your card to cover the $5.35."

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

Man pushing Euro sign up a hill.

"Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% budget allocation."

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

Why do you need so many computers?

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"