Finances Gifts

'The only way to survive these days is to diversify.'

"We can give you a 12% rate if you never withdraw it."

'I've lost faith in what Warren Buffett says to do, so I'm switching to what Jimmy Buffett says.'

"If I were money, you'd listen to me."

"Room, board, books, and tuition--I draw the line at corkage fees."

'We're foreclosing on your home, in addition to defriending you on Facebook.'

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

'I'd love to put you behind the wheel of this car. However, I doubt the bank will allow you to finance it for 30,000 months.'

'Honey, I think we missed a repayment.'

"The MRI confirmed what the x-rays showed. Your wallet doesn't contain enough money to pay for either procedure."

"Can I bring your income tax returns to school for show and tell?"

'How do you expect me to balance the checkbook on your income?'

Pension Advisor.

"They're 'old money'-- they made it all in tech stocks."

"It drives me crazy when people whine about discrepancies in school funding..."

'It's not my childhood that traumatised me. It's the size of your bills,doctor.'

Just a moment, platinum cardholder...your cash is being ironed, folded and perfumed.

'We found the trouble Mr. Spencer. Your credit is no good!'

'Shall I give it to you straight, or would you like some mild anesthetic?'

"Hope you know how fortunate you are...next year's tax forms get complicated..."

'I don't suppose you're here to open a daily interest savings account.'

Elderly couple sits in living room with wall sign that states: God Bless our Reverse Mortgage.

What is possible...

"I was a late bloomer—I didn't inherit my money until my fifties."

"Avoid financial ventures—your credit line is very short."

"Found meat is income."

"I reckon we can forget the word cruise, Doreen!"

'I can't get by on my allowance. You're forcing me to borrow from China.'

"No need to rush down - it's only the gas bill."

"I hate check writing, but, hey, it pays the bills."

Philosophical piggy bank.

'Mr. 'You can't be too over-weighted in tech stocks', meet Mr. 'You can't be too over-weighted in bio-tech'.'

"I've simplified my life by converting all my possessions into one gold brick."

Man panicing because woman has washed his money filled shorts

'Before I give you the bill,do you suffer from heart trouble, high blood pressure,or sudden shock syndrome?'